Why Women Stay

Behaviors that do not cause domestic violence | How Children Ask for Help | Cycle Of Violence | Facts on Dating Violence | Domestic Violence Facts | How does domestic violence affect children? | Signs Of A Battering Personality | What is Domestic Violence? | Why Women Stay

 

The reason why battered women stay in abusive relationships, or leave many times only to return to their abusive mate, vary. Statistics report that it takes a woman an average of six times to leave the abuse for good. Every relationship is unique, and each battered woman’s circumstances and fears are different. Many women leave their abusive partners following the first episode of violence, while others may stay in a battering relationship for a lifetime. Reasons for staying in an abusive relationship may include: fear, economic dependence, threats, children, guilt, hope that the relationship will change, promises by the batter to stop the violence, lack of support and resources, cultural or religious constraints, etc.

 

Batterers are generally extremely manipulative and quickly learn the weakness of their mates. Batterers commonly use those weaknesses to break their partner’s self-esteem and gain control over their thoughts and actions. Many batterers make constant threats to kill or harm their partner, her children or other loved ones if she attempts to leave the relationship. Since the batterer has most certainly acted on abusive threats in the past, the victim has no reason to doubt the seriousness of additional threats and may be paralyzed by her fears. Women and men who grew up in violent homes, as children sometimes perceive abuse as normal. The victim may struggle to tolerate the abuser’s behavior and learn to cope with the abuse. Without supportive friends and family, a responsive judicial system, competent law enforcement’s agencies, shelters and other service providers, the victim may never gain the confidence and resources necessary to protect herself and her children.

 

Many battered women do not have needed family support or job skills. A great majority of batterers isolate their partner by refusing to allow them to have contact with friends or family or to work outside of the home. These restrictions keep the woman from becoming independent and serve to financially and emotionally trap her in the relationship.

 

Many batterers make repeated promises to change. These empty promises may give a victim false hope that her marriage or relationships will become a safe and healthy one. Society places great emphasis upon the institution of marriage. In certain value systems, religions and cultures, divorce is socially and morally prohibited. Others often judge battered women harshly when they leave a relationship of divorce, especially if the abuser promises to change.