How Children Ask for Help

Behaviors that do not cause domestic violence | How Children Ask for Help | Cycle Of Violence | Facts on Dating Violence | Domestic Violence Facts | How does domestic violence affect children? | Signs Of A Battering Personality | What is Domestic Violence? | Why Women Stay

 

Adults can usually describe how violence at home is affecting them. They can say things like, “I’m afraid, “ “I’m angry,” or “ I feel guilty.” It is much harder for children to describe their feelings in words. They often act out their feelings instead of saying them. Many behaviors that anger or worry adults are really children’s ways of asking for help with something that is bothering them.

Hearing, seeing, or knowing about family violence does effect the children. This list gives some examples of how children of different ages ask for help with what is bothering them. There might be other things that children do to seek help, which are not on the list, and the ages at which certain behaviors occur might be different.

 

Infants: Sleep disturbances, like sleeping so much the child has to be awakened to eat or not sleeping restfully most of the time; feeding disturbances, like always wanting to eat or hardly ever wanting to eat; continual fussing and crying; inability to be comforted; easily startled.

Toddlers/Preschoolers: Chronic stomach aches and headaches; nausea; night terrors; difficulty going to bed; inability to comforted; general sadness; not knowing how to play; meanness.

 

Elementary Age: School problems such as difficulty concentrating, school phobias, problems with peers; inability to share; frequent injuries and reckless behavior; constant talking about fears; difficulty leaving a parent or having a parent leave; younger behaviors such as bed wetting and thumb sucking; aggressive or intimidating behaviors; cruelty to animals or smaller children.

Junior High/High School: Destruction of property; truancy; aggressive or violent behavior; running away; substance abuse; suicide talk; threats; or attempts; nightmares; stashing a weapon; depression (having no friends and not participating in any outside activities).

 

ANY AGE: Physical complaints such as headaches, stomach aches, sleep problems, eating problems, constant sadness or nervousness, with drawl and isolation.

Because you know your children, you can notice when your children begin any of these problem behaviors or have sudden or very large changes in their usual behaviors. A helpful guideline is that if a troublesome behavior continues for a month, it is not “just a phase,” and the child could use some help.